Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
