dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
