I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He kissed a someone with a penis
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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