Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
