so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
