Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
