i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
