Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
