I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
