it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
operation have a gay friend backfired
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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