Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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