she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
