When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
