Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
there is glitter all over my balls
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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