What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
