He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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