so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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