Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
