Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
