TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
