the day after is always just damage control
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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