I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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