mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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