You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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