You can't special order awesome
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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