My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
