My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
