oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
