yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
