This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I licked your asshole in confidence.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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