We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
