It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
