The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
