No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
