The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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