Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just gargled with NyQuil
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
