I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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