I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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