I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
God, I missed his penis.
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