grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
