I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
