if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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