Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
