i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
