escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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