he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
