I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
