Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
