i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
