party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
honey bunches of taint.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Are my feet made of real feet?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
