Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
