you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
There r osticjed everywhere
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
